One of my New Year's Resolutions was to write more, which I've failed miserably. Not because I don't have anything to write about, if I'm honest, I'm constantly having thoughts in my mind, but they just stay there; I tend to get inside my head quite a bit. I don't know why today I felt like writing about something, anything really, I just thought ''start typing and see where it goes''. So here I am now, listening to Patrick Watson (which doesn't really help at all) questioning all my life decisions while mind-fucking questions pop up in my mind:
Who I am?
Who I want to be?
What do I want achieve?
What is my purpose in life?
Lately I've been doing this a lot, which can be a bad thing to do at times, because I can get very frustrated for not knowing the answers. I've always been very envious of people who have a very clear vision of who they are and what they want to achieve. I've also been very envious of people who don't think they need to know any of these answers, they just go with the flow. In my case, I've never been neither of them, I've tried, you can be sure about that, but it has always ended up as an attempt.
Why do we have the need to answer these questions? Is it really for ourselves or for the people who are around us? People usually prefer to know about everyone else but them.
''What do you want to be when you grow up?'' or ''do you know what are you going to study in University, Julia?'', are questions that I've been constantly asked by other people all my life and I've never really understood why people do that, even though I do it too. Is it so I can show off? Is it so I can sound interesting? Or is it so they can feel better about their career choices? I really don't know. The only thing I know that right now is that I don't have a clear answer for any of these questions. Yes, I'm so lost, but I won't let this stop me living life in my own weird way.
As I'm writing this, I realize how good Patrick Watson is, I don't know why I don't listen to his music more often. I also realize that tomorrow I have an exam and I need to study, so I have to stop rambling on.
This is for all the lost souls. I'm here with you and I celebrate you.